Dear Momma, You Can Do This

I originally posted this almost exactly one year ago, today.

I left it up for - was it a day, maybe two?

And then I took it down. I had so much doubt, so much shame, so much guilt. I didn’t want anyone to read it, so it went back into the draft storage.

I found it the other day, and thought yes. Now it’s time to share this - this is a testament to how much I have grown this last year. How much more I have been able to separate from my depression, and to heal.

So read this story, and think about your own journey. Where are you at? Where do you want to be one year from now?

And how will you get there?

———

When I was struggling with postpartum depression, I wanted desperately to know that I was going to be okay. To know that just because I was struggling didn’t mean that I was doomed as a mom. I wanted to know that I could still mother my kids properly. I wanted to know that my life was still worth living.

My future was dark, even with my loving husband and beautiful healthy children. I knew I had so much to be grateful for and nothing to complain about. And yet I felt hopeless, and guilty for these thoughts and feelings. I wanted someone to show me the way out. The way felt too hard for me; not clear which direction I should go, let alone what the next step was.

I never wanted to commit suicide- I knew that I couldn’t take my own life. But I prayed to die. I prayed that God would take me while I slept so I wouldn’t have to live anymore. It was too hard to be alive and I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore.

If this is how you feel in this moment in your life, then this is for you.

              Dear Momma,

              You can do this. Everything feels so hard right now, even the simple acts of getting out of bed and feeding your kids. You don’t have energy. You don’t have the words to explain how you are feeling. All the thoughts and emotions confuse you; where did they come from? Why do I feel this way? You feel guilty for thinking these kinds of things – what kind of a mom am I to have such dark thoughts? What kind of a mom am I to feel like leaving my husband and children? Do I love them even? If I loved them wouldn’t I want to stay with them always?

              Know that these are common thoughts, that many moms have them at some point. They are just hard to share and talk about because of the depth and darkness of them. We fear that we are the only one to have felt such a way, that nobody could ever understand how we feel. But the only way to get past them is to share them. Get them out in the open and off of your chest. You will be surprised that they aren’t met with a “How could you think something like that?” Instead they are met with an understanding look and an “I know. I’ve been there.”

              Just because you think these things doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy, that you aren’t a good enough mom. It doesn’t mean that you weren’t supposed to be a mom or that you don’t love them enough. It simply means that you are struggling right now. It means something in your daily life is lacking. It could be that your husband has been busy and you feel overwhelmed with the kids. It could be that you aren’t taking enough time to take care of yourself, in the way that matters most to you. It could be that you aren’t taking the time to enjoy your kids, to find ways to have fun with them. Find what will pull you out of this darkness.

              Because there is light ahead. You might not be able to see it right now, but it is there ahead of you. Take any step in that direction, no matter how small it might be. As long as you are moving forward.

              And let me say again, that you can do this. It is worth the effort it will take.

The Problem With DIY

DIY.

It’s a fun way to create what you want, without spending the money. How many of you are DIY-ers? You find pictures on Pinterest, on Instagram, and then you figure out how you can create the same thing yourself.

I love to DIY. It’s so satisfying to stretch my brain, to look at a finished product and then to replicate it with my own two hands. To create something and watch it come to life.

This is what I tried to do with my healing, too. I thought that I was so aware of my thoughts and emotions, that of course I could heal from my depression by myself. I read all the books, I listened to all the podcasts, I took all the free trainings.

This is an important step in our healing process, where we are doing all the work that we can. We are taking that first step in admitting just to ourselves that something isn’t right and that we are worth the effort.

But DIY can only get you so far. There are parts of your story where you are like a fish in water. You don’t know that you’re in water, because it’s all you’ve ever known. Our brains aren’t programmed to separate our thoughts from the facts. We automatically believe that the thoughts that we are thinking, are just true. And if those thoughts aren’t serving you, that’s what we need to work on.

But why do we hesitate to put that money into ourselves? Why do we hesitate to invest in our healing? Why is it so scary to put that money behind our words?

Because we are afraid. We say that we can heal, but do we actually believe it?

We say that we want a better life, but do we actually think that better life is possible?

Where are you holding yourself back?

That’s what you need to get to work on. Not reading the next book or listening to the next podcast.

You already have everything that you need inside of you.

See, DIY keeps us stuck. We think that we are improving, because we are learning and we are seeing some changes. But we are still staying safe. We aren’t putting money behind our words, we aren’t putting ourselves really out there, we still have nothing to lose.

And if we don’t have anything to lose, what do we have to gain?

Fall: A Season Of Change

Fall: season of change.

This is my fall. This is the season that I am becoming the person that I’ve been dreaming of for 4 years.

FOUR YEARS, you guys.

As I look at the beauty everywhere – all of the colors, the sunshine, and even these cold, wet days – I feel so grateful to be in this season.

Sometimes it happens that you blink and all the trees have changed colors, or the leaves are already on the ground. Where did summer go? The change seems to happen in such a blur, life seems to happen in such a blur, that you don’t have time to just be in it. To see the changing.

Other times, you are able to slow it down. To notice that this tree has a little more color than yesterday. And that one over there is still clinging to its green glory. You take the time to sit outside with your hot cup of coffee and just breathe in that fall air.

Do the trees ever wonder why one has more color than they do? Are they sitting there asking themselves WHY HAVEN’T I CHANGED ALREADY?!

Do they think that they aren’t as prepared as their neighboring tree, or that they should be further along?

Of course they don’t – they aren’t humans, they don’t have minds and souls. (as far as I know anyway – do you know something I don’t?) No, but can you see how detrimental it is to ourselves when we are constantly comparing? When we are in such a rush to get there, wherever there is, that we miss what is happening in the meantime?

Change isn’t always easy, but this is the process.

And this process is what will be your life – you’re never going to get ‘there’. You’re already there. There is here, right now, this moment.

So go outside.

Breathe that crisp air deep into your lungs. All the way to your soul.

Let it cleanse you.

Let go of the tension, the build up.

The heat, the stress, the constant go of the summer.

Savor this very moment.

Nothing else matters.

Nothing.

What’s your season of change?

Are you allowing it? Or are you resisting it?

Relax into it.

You’ve got this, momma.

River Of Misery

What is the river of misery? Are you in it? Are you going through it?

Where you are now is the pond of misery. It’s just a pond, it’s not a terrible place to be. You’re just kind of uncomfortable, you know that something could be better. You have a dream, a goal that you think of but are scared to start it. Maybe it’s a habit, something that you want to change.

But this pond is safe. It’s known. Your brain likes it here because it knows what to expect, and it can be right about how life is.

From the pond flows a river, and on the other side of the river is dry land. That land is where your goal lives. Your dream. Whatever life or thing you are thinking of – it’s on the other side. And in order to get there, you have to swim through the river.

Now the river, as you can imagine, isn’t very fun. It’s hard to swim across. Our brains don’t like this at all. It’s uncomfortable, it’s unknown, it’s scary. Our brain likes to tell us things like

This is too much work.

It’s not going to work.

It’s probably not worth all of this effort.

Let’s just go back to the pond. It wasn’t so bad there.

The reason this is all so uncomfortable is because you are in cognitive dissonance. And what that is, is holding two contradicting beliefs at the same time. Your brain wants to be right, and it can’t be right if there are two thoughts that don’t match up. The struggle is which one will win.

Now there’s the good news- our brains don’t like to be uncomfortable, so one thought will win out over the other. You will either go back to the pond, or you will cross the river and reach the land.

This is exactly what I help my clients to do. I help them cross that river.

I show them what their brain is doing to keep them stuck in the pond. I guide them across so that the river is less miserable and more intentional.

I show them that they actually are safe, that they actually are headed in the direction that they want to be going. I remind them (and their brains) of why they are crossing the river, of what is on the other side of it, and why they chose to cross the river in the first place. I help them see that the river isn’t so bad, and that it’s 100% worth it.

Are you ready to cross that river?

Or if you are in the river, are you ready to get to the other side faster?

It all starts with that free call.

Keep swimming, momma. You’ve got this.

Faith, Life And Coaching

I sent an email out last week to my list, and it was so good that I wanted to share it here with the rest of you. [Also side note - are you on my email list yet? Why on earth not?!] Anyways, happy reading-

What is the point? Of life, of everything?

My brain has been giving me this question lately – without an answer. Only coming up with I don’t know what the point of anything is.

When we step back from our life, and look down on it, we can see that nothing really matters. It’s all just life, it’s all just a game of sorts. It really doesn’t matter what’s happening in our marriage, if our kids are excelling in school or not, if we have amazing friendships, or if we are hitting the goals that we set for ourselves. None of it actually matters.

I can see this, and because I see it, my brain wants to tell me that if nothing matters, then there is no point to anything. That if none of this matters, I may as well go back to Candy Crush and chocolate (it always comes back to this, doesn’t it? My brain must miss those days😊)

But if none of it matters, then it can matter because I choose to make it matter. If none of it matters, then I can go all in and know that whatever the outcome, it doesn’t mean anything about me. That I can show up in this life how I want to, because it’s how I want to be – not because I need to be a certain way. And thinking this thought, brings me back to my days when I was struggling with depression. That even when I was struggling with life and with faith in my darkest moments - I was still worthy. Just as worthy as I am today.

Do you believe you are worthy, exactly as you are? Even though you aren’t always the mom that you want to be, even though your kids don’t always behave how you’re trying to teach them, even though your life doesn’t look how you want it to. Your worth is inherent. Isn’t it beautiful?

The point of growing, of progressing, of setting and reaching goals isn’t so that we become a better person. It isn’t so that we somehow become more worthy or more enough. It isn’t so that we can love ourselves or so others can love us. The point is to see us. Who we are. Just a human, and that human is so loved. We aren’t perfect, and we don’t need to be. There is grace, there is love. There is unending love for us.

The point is to trust. To believe that God is guiding our lives, exactly as they should go. That all of this life and these lessons that we are learning is for a greater purpose. When we can lean into our faith, that’s when it becomes personal. When we can be scared and know that He is with us through all of it. Then comes peace.

What if we don’t need to know the answer? What if we can just sit in that emotion, and be okay with it? What if that is what we need to do in order to move through it?

What are you resisting? What does your brain not want to address? I’ve been fighting these thoughts for a long time. I’ve worked through some, but I knew that the bulk of it I hadn’t addressed yet.

You guys, I’m a coach. (Like you didn’t know that.) No but really, I emphasize this point to show you that no matter how well you know this work, there is so much benefit from getting coached. I was doing fine on my own, working through it as it came up, and just kind of going along. These thoughts would pop up every now and then and I would sometimes address them, and other times push them away. Fears of My business might become more important than my faith. Am I doing the right thing? Is this what God wants me to be doing? Maybe I’m just supposed to be at home with my kids.

All of these doubts kept eating at me, little by little. But they are all just thoughts. Thoughts that I could keep working through on my own, but thoughts that I gained more awareness of by working with my coach. Thoughts that I was able to separate from faster, to see what wasn’t working and to choose what serves me more.

And above that? I can trust that God is guiding me in this too. Just as He has guided me in everything else in my life, I can trust that He will be with me as I build my business too. I can trust that the new me that I’m becoming also wants to remain in faith.

And with that trust, that peace? Comes a letting go. A letting go of the resistance, the fear, the doubt, all of it.

I choose to continue setting goals in my business and in life, simply because it’s who I want to be in this world. And if nothing works out the way that I want it to, it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter.

Not because there’s no point in trying in the first place, but because what I do has no effect on my worthiness. It’s letting go and going all in.

What a beautiful paradox.

What's waiting for you?

I used to be scared of my thoughts.

Those thoughts I would have during my depression, the random thoughts that would pop into my head, all the thoughts that I didn’t want to have in my head.

I made them mean something about me.

That I was a bad person.

That I was really weird, insecure, not enough.

What kind of a mom are you to think something like that?

I thought if it was in my head, then I had to believe it.

That it was there for a reason.

This morning I had a realization: I’m no longer scared of my thoughts. I no longer have to believe anything that I don’t want to.

Do you know how HUGE this is?

I’m not rushing to change models. I’m not rushing to switch my thoughts because I don’t want to think the current one.

There’s this letting go of resistance, a more natural flow in my brain.

I can detach from what’s going on in my mind, and just observe.

And I was like OH, that’s what Brooke and Jody have been talking about this whole time. Oh, THIS is what it’s about.

It’s like in the podcast of Jody’s that I was recently listening to. She talked about how the first stage of awareness is realizing that if you think different thoughts then you feel different emotions. And how amazing it feels to realize that it’s in your control, so you just want to change your thoughts as much as possible.

And from that comes this realization that it doesn’t even matter anyway. That those thoughts don’t mean anything about me, they are just sentences in my brain.

It truly feels like freedom. I get to think the thoughts that I want to think, and not from a place of less than or force. It’s just noticing thoughts that don’t serve me, and letting them go. Then choosing a new thought, simply because it’s one that I want in my life.

Is this something that you want more of in your life? Are you ready to finally see what’s going on in your brain, and stop living at the effect of it?

This is exactly what I work with my clients on. Each session comes with new realizations about their thoughts and the connection in their life. This awareness takes practice and it takes time – but if you never get started, you’re never going to get any closer, right?

Working with me is the perfect place to start exploring those thoughts that you don’t want in your head anymore. Sometimes it can feel hard or scary to start opening up, to face what we fear, and that’s okay.

But that’s why I’m here – you don’t need to be scared. I’m here to lead you through it. I’ve got you.

And I can tell you that on the other side of those thoughts is that freedom for you too.

It’s just waiting for you.

Your Three Main Emotions

Hey – happy Friday all!

Can you believe it, another week flew by – just like that. How was your week this week? Did you do anything exciting, crazy, or out of the ordinary? Was it just a normal week with the normal doings? And if it was a normal week – was it good normal or bad normal?

Did you spend your days just living and being okay with it? Or did you spend your days just living and feeling like you’re barely going to make it through the day, let alone the week?

If it was the latter, I’m going to hazard a guess that this type of week isn’t unusual for you. How long have you been struggling? How often are you feeling like you can’t do this anymore?

Our emotions get memorized, just like our thoughts do.

I find it so fascinating how our brain works. It takes the thoughts, emotions, actions that we do and puts them on autopilot. Our brain is real good at being efficient and saving energy for us (ie. Brushing our teeth, driving a car) but if it’s memorizing what isn’t serving us, that’s when we have a problem.

Our emotion is a perfect example of this. The emotions that you felt yesterday are probably the ones you will feel today, and tomorrow. Because the thoughts that are producing those feelings, are the same ones that we thought yesterday and will think again tomorrow.

Get curious – whether you’re struggling or not.

What are the three main emotions that you have on a regular basis?

Yes, I’m sure you feel a range, but if you could narrow it down to the 3 main ones, what would they be?

Are those the ones that you want fueling your life?

Are you feeling how you want to feel?

If not, write down the three emotions that you want to fuel your life. What do you need to feel in order to create the life that you want?

Now how are you going to generate those emotions? What kind of thoughts create those feelings for you?

This next week, get present with what you feel on a day to day basis. And get deliberate in choosing what emotions you want to feel.

Need help with getting deliberate?

You got it – that call is a perfect place to start.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Three Thoughts For You

As I’m sure you’ve heard me say before, our thoughts are where it all starts. Everything that you are doing or not doing right now, is because of what you think about it. When I’m working with my clients, we are digging up the thoughts that are creating their current situation, and gaining awareness. Once we can see that motherhood is neutral, and we can choose what we want to think about it in order to create a different experience of it - that’s when it’s time to choose some new thoughts.

Thinking new thoughts isn’t always easy, especially when the thoughts we have now feel so true. When we’ve been thinking them for so long that they are ingrained in us. But little by little, we become aware of them and how we can choose. This is where all of your control is. We can work to change our husbands, our kids, our friends, our situations, and sometimes that works. But even better is to recognize that all we need to change is our thoughts, and that it’s something we have complete control over.

I thought of a few of my favorite thoughts that have changed how I show up as mom, and I want to share them with you.

1. I just get to be me. – this thought is so freeing. With my kids, with my husband, in the grocery store, at a park with friends; no matter what the situation is, I just get to be me. And I get to bring the best of me to whatever I’m doing. This doesn’t mean that I’m always happy and joyful. It means that I’m not trying to be anyone or anything other than who I am. It’s amazing.

2. Of course he’s acting like a three-year-old. This is what they do. – We all know how fun it is when our kids don’t listen to us. But what makes it worse is that we are thinking they shouldn’t be acting like this. Which causes us to feel frustration, maybe embarrassment if we are out somewhere, etc. So when I tell myself of course he’s doing this, this is what he SHOULD be doing, I’m able to approach the situation completely differently. I handle it with a lot more love and compassion, which of course leads to a completely different outcome, right?

3. I am not my thoughts. – this one has been instrumental in healing from my depression. In recognizing that just because I think something, doesn’t mean I have to believe it. just because a thought feels true, doesn’t mean I need to continue thinking it. knowing that we are separate from our thoughts gives so much peace, takes off so much judgement. There’s no more What kind of a person am I to be thinking something like this?! It’s simply a thought, coming through your brain. You can let it stick around, or you can just let it go. Just like that.

Finding new thoughts to think throughout your day is so much fun. (that’s a thought!) but really, jumping off of autopilot and beginning to think more deliberately? What do you think that will bring to your life? How will that change how you show up, how you feel? What impact will that have on your whole life?

You guys, it’s so much fun. And I promise, this is just the beginning.

Resentment

What is resentment? According to Dr. Google, it is “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.”

How easy it is to hold onto resentment. The other person did us wrong, and we are justified in feeling upset. It is their fault.

What I want to offer you though, is that it’s always a sign we’re expecting someone else to fill one of our needs. Think back to the last time you were resentful to your husband. What was the situation? What did he do, or not do, that caused you to feel resentful?

Now I really want you to slow it down. Take a step back and really see the whole situation. What need were you expecting him to fill? Did he even know that you were expecting him to fill it?

Resentment is an emotion that came up a lot for me when I was struggling with depression. It was so much easier for me to resent my husband, to resent my kids, my life – to resent everything rather than recognize my own part in it. It was easier to place the blame on all of these things that I didn’t have control over. There was nothing I could do, so of course I was feeling this way.

The first step in addressing resentment is to become aware of the thoughts that are creating this emotion. To really see that it’s not [my husband working late and therefore I can’t make it to yoga] that’s causing me to feel resentful, but it’s my thoughts of [he should be home already. He doesn’t prioritize me getting out of the house] that is creating it. Once we take ownership over it, then we can choose whether to continue feeling resentful or not.

Does resentment serve your marriage? Does it strengthen the love between you and your husband? Does it create more love in your home? Or does it do the same in yours as it does in mine – decrease the love. Increase the disconnect.

Really see that the resentment you feel is created by you. Process it, feel it. Recognize that your husband or your kids don’t need to change – this is where the work comes in. It’s easier to think that they should change rather than that we should change. But owning that you only have control over you and how you show up to the situation? It’s the best news ever.

They get to just be them, and we just get to love them.

Isn’t it fun?

Blog Posts and A Podcast

First of all, I want to tell you about these blog posts. When I first started writing my blog, it was for me. A chance to tell my story, to hear myself. To put these words out into the world in hopes that they would heal some brokenness inside me. That they would validate another moms experience at the same time. Then I started my business, and I tried to think about what my clients wanted to hear. What I could teach them about working with me.

I started to lose the inspiration to write posts. I started to view it just as another thing to check off my to do list, just another thing that I’m supposed to be doing. Then I got the idea to start a podcast – a podcast would be so FUN I thought! I would record one a week, everyone could listen to it and apply that concept in their daily lives.

Do you see what I was doing here? I was trying to change my circumstance (producing content for my business) so that I could feel how I wanted to feel (inspired), instead of looking at the thoughts that were producing my feeling of uninspired (I don’t want to write blog posts anymore. It would be funner to make a podcast).

Isn’t that SO interesting? You guys I’m telling you- the model is working in your lives whether you are aware of it or not. Anyway, I decided to instead walk my talk- I am sticking with the blog for now instead of growing a podcast too. A podcast is for sure coming in the future, but for now I am going to treat my blog posts like I would starting a new podcast.

I want to write these for you. I want to tell stories, to teach you different concepts that I’m learning, to give you some steps for applying them in your life. Each post will be exactly what I would talk about in a podcast episode, but you’ll just read it instead of listen to it.

Maybe it’s not as convenient to consume as a podcast because you can’t just listen to it while you’re multitasking, but maybe that’s actually a good thing. Maybe it’s a reason to sit down with a cup of coffee every Friday morning, to read the post, and then do a little bit of writing on what it brought up for you. To evaluate how your week went, and think about what you want your weekend to be.

So my short snippet for you today, is just this: My words will have a whole new meaning for you if you are doing the work as you follow along.

I have been listening to Brooke Castillo’s “The Life Coach School” podcast for YEARS. Literally. And now after starting my business, I’m going back and listening to the same episodes again. It hit me today how much more I get out of it when I’m actually doing the work. The words have a whole new meaning when I can apply it to what I’m experiencing in growing my business, not just dreaming about having a business.

I want you to do the same with your life. The concepts that I’m teaching you each week, the content that I’m putting out there – whether it’s my emails, IG lives, or these posts – I want you to see how you can apply it to your life. Do the work, and you will 10x the results you get from it.

And do you have a specific topic/concern/something you need help on? Don’t hesitate to shoot me an email – I will happily do a post around it. Also know that if you are struggling with it, guaranteed that many more are too.

Yay to moving forward!:)

Hear Me On This!

First of all, this post isn’t about ice cream. But really- look at that.

Yum. Anyway.

This is it, you guys. For so long I’ve been searching who, what, where, how am I? What is the point of my life? Of life in general? Why exist?

But this is it.

I help moms learn to be happy after depression, by finding themselves again.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT FEELS? Even just writing it?

I want to shout it to the rooftops.

IT’S POSSIBLE TO HEAL!

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE.

EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.

Yes, you, who is over there shaking your head.

And you, who don’t even know if depression is what you have.

And you, who doesn’t even realize that depression IS what it is- you that thinks that it’s just you. You’re just a bad mom. You’re just selfish. You’re just not a good person.

ALL OF YOU.

HEAR ME.

I CAN HELP YOU.

Haha. I love getting dramatic when I’m writing.

But are you really and truly listening to me?

Let me ask you a few questions.

Do you feel like you?

If no, why not? What doesn’t feel right?

Do you have depression?

If you know you do, get help. Even one call, even when your brain is telling you but you probably don’t need it or they probably can’t help you, will get you set straight. If you need more than one call, that’s your next step. If one call is all it took, no harm done. You can quit wondering and worrying.

If you don’t know, do you think you might? What makes you think that?

And again, GET HELP. Call someone, talk to someone, anyone. A professional can give you feedback, give you advice, show you your next step.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

And more than that,

YOU CAN HEAL.

Why wait even one more day? Why stay stuck in the fear, the confusion, the I don’t know land, the depression, the overwhelm, the all of it?

YOU DON’T NEED TO STAY THERE.

Life is so much better on the other side of depression.

You’ve got this.

You’ve SO got this.

Going All In

Being all in.

Are you all in on life?

Or are you just taking it as it comes, seeing what happens, not really committed to anything either way.

Maybe you think it will keep your expectations low or you will avoid disappointment this way.

Maybe it feels easier, like there is less to risk.

But is living that way getting you the life that you want?

Are you living the life that you want RIGHT NOW?

This very moment?

If you are- this email isn’t for you. In fact, all of my emails aren’t for you. Keep doing what you’re doing.

But for those of you that are stuck in that same pattern, the same days, the same everything – listen up.

The work that I’m doing? It changes lives.

The emails, blog posts, social media posts and videos, and everything that is to come? This is all for you.

The patterns of thinking that you have are the reason your life is the way it is, this very moment.

TODAY.

If you want different results, you’re going to need to do something you’ve never done before.

It’s scary – believe me, I get it. I so get it.

But having that skin in the game is what makes you committed.

What is that thing that keeps tugging at your heart? What is that thing that keeps coming back to you, and you keep trying to push away?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF?

Seriously, why?

What are you afraid of?

That reason right there? That’s the reason you need to go for it.

It will change your life. Literally.

Dig deep, and find those answers.

Then take a deep breath and go all in.

Do you want to spend this only life that you have stuck in that same cycle, and keep wondering what if?

Or do you want to challenge yourself, to grow into that person you KNOW you are?

The choice is yours.

The Gift Of Friendship

Friendship, at it’s core, is unconditional love. It’s loving with no judgement. In your best moments and in your worst. Someone to share life with. Friendship is a gift that we give to ourselves; when we open our heart to it. Friendship is a gift we give to others; when we show them that love and compassion with no boundaries.

I always knew that I wanted a big family. And when I say big, I mean big. Like 18 kids big. Or 20 kids big. I wanted all of that love, chaos, and connection.

Before I was a mom, it was so much easier to see the blessing of a big family. I oohed and aahed over all of the new babies at church, begging to hold them. One of my favorite things to do was to babysit. I thought it was the greatest to play with a handful of kids for several hours, and then get paid on top of it. Dream job. Whenever I needed work, I searched for something to do with kids. Daycare, nanny, babysitting.

Fast forward several years; I have four kids and I recently found out that I am expecting my fifth.

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She came over. Even though I had written and deleted many messages telling her to not. I’m too tired, one of the kids is sick.. the multiple excuses played through my head. How can I get out of this? But here she is, sitting on the couch. I’m in my well loved green armchair, hiding my face against my baby. The sobs rack my body, I feel as though my heart is being broken in two. I feel nauseous – is it words that need to be released from my body so violently? I am me, and yet I am not me. This part of me that I don’t want to acknowledge – it’s forcing its way out. It can’t continue to stay inside of me and consume my every thought.

She listens. I empty my heart to her, these darkest fears that hold me so tightly. I always wanted a big family, and this is what I have. My whole identity is wrapped in motherhood. In being a mom, but more than that to love being a mom. And now? Now what? This baby that is so small in my belly, this precious life that God has allowed me the responsibility of growing, and I don’t want it. My hands feel so full, my body not my own. I am tired of these years of not knowing who I am. Of not being me. The hormones seem so unpredictable and I can’t seem to find my way out of the storm. I feel as though I get a moment of peace, only for the next wind of pregnancy to topple me over again. Me, the real me, wants many children. And yet in this moment, what feels so real is that I’m not ready for another pregnancy. And I hate myself for feeling this way. For not happily accepting another gift from above.

She questions me. What feels harder right now, to miscarry or to be pregnant? I whisper be pregnant. I tell myself this is the wrong answer. And yet she continues why is that the wrong answer? Why do you need to be happy? Because! I want to shout. Because a good mom always wants another baby. A good mom loves all of her children, unconditionally.

And this is what it comes down to, does it not? These preconceived notions of what a good mom does or doesn’t do. How often we fall short of our own expectations; how often we can’t even see the expectations we have set for ourselves. They simply feel like fact.

She holds space. In this living room, with the kids chaos continuing around us, she holds space for me. Space for these ugly feelings that I have feared and held inside to be set free. For me to see that they are merely thoughts, they aren’t me. That even good moms don’t always feel like they can handle their lives. And in this space, I can breathe. They have loosened their hold on me, and I feel okay. I accept these emotions that are raging through me.

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It’s a gift that she gave me that day: unconditional love. She showed me what is possible when I simply accept rather than fight. To lean in rather than to resist. To open up instead of hold inside. To love rather than judge.

This is the gift of friendship.

The Difference Between Life Coaching and Therapy

Do you wonder what the difference is between coaching and therapy is? Are they the same thing? Do you get the same results from both? And more importantly, which one do I need?

For so long, I wondered what to do, where to start. I didn’t know which one was the ‘right’ one. This is such a common question, but it’s also something more than that; we will address that at the end.

First of all, therapy is past focused. It is digging deep to find the source of the pain. To heal past trauma. It’s finding the stories that you are holding onto, and finding the reasons why those stories were formed in the first place. If you’ve never told your story before, therapy is a great place to start the healing process. To speak and be heard.

Coaching is similar in the way that we find the stories your brain is holding on to. The difference is we don’t go back and relive the past. Instead, we work on how you are thinking about it today that is affecting your life. Coaching is more present and future focused. We believe that the past doesn’t need to determine your future. How freeing is that thought?

There are actually many flavors of both therapy and coaching. Each person has their own style, and you simply find one that suits your needs. Literally, pick one and start. It can feel scary, intimidating. You may worry that you will choose the wrong one. You may worry that the one you start to work with can’t give you what you need.

Do you see what your brain is doing here? Isn’t it so interesting how our brains are so sneaky? All of these thoughts are just thoughts. Completely optional. The wondering of Do I choose coaching, or do I need therapy? Is simply your brain causing confusion so it doesn’t have to make a decision. So that it doesn’t need to take a new step and face something that is unknown.

Believe me when I say that you can’t make a wrong choice, when you are taking steps to heal. If you choose coaching and therapy is what you need, you will be directed there. If the one you choose to work with isn’t a good fit, you will be referred somewhere else. You may not get everything you need in one place, but I am a firm believer in it all being a part of the healing process. And there never being a wrong decision.

The most important thing is to just take that first step.

Whichever one you choose is exactly the right one for you.

What Keeps Us Stuck

I’ve really been tossing this question over and over in my head. What keeps us stuck? What keeps us from changing? If you knew that help was available, and the life that you wanted was available, why wouldn’t you go for it?

Short answer: Our brain.

Long answer: All of the excuses that our brain feeds us that we believe, whether we realize they’re optional or not.

Our brain wants us to do what’s safe, what’s known, what’s easy – because that’s what our brain thrives on. It doesn’t want to try a new routine, because what if we fail? Or what if that reality is worse than the one that we’re currently living?

Our brain loves to give us all of these reasons to not try something new.

It will never work.

You’re not worth it.

That’s too scary.

Why even bother trying?

It’s never worked before.

It won’t work for you.

This actually isn’t so bad.

You’ll get better on your own.

Any of these resonate?

I’ve been going through some of the feedback from past clients, and I absolutely love reading their responses. Every single one of them has changed from their time spent working with me. Here are a few of my favorite things they said about it:

“I definitely encourage [trying] it! You only have one life and it’s worth investing in yourself/ future self – which is also investing in your children. It will help you see a way where you didn’t see one before.”

“It’s put new thoughts in my head. One example was the new thought that we came up with: My husband gets to be exactly who he is and I’ll love him anyway. I feel like I don’t need to wait for anything from him. That he can be and do what he wants and that’s the person I love. I appreciate him a whole lot more. It makes me a better wife and a better mom to our kids.”

“For me, it’s really hard to speak about deep things and to tell someone what and how I actually feel. It’s good that I did the six-week package because it’s made me feel more confident in myself and it’s helped me to be able to open up without feeling embarrassed or overthinking everything I’m going to say.”

“The biggest breakthrough I had is learning that my thoughts control my emotions. Changing my thoughts about a struggle I was having helped me not feel negative about it. I learned so much from every call!”

“Coaching is about recognising thoughts and thought patterns and learning to change the ones that aren’t serving you. Also learning about how the brain works so we can understand why we think a certain way. My biggest breakthrough was actually just a little shift that gave me more room in my every day life. I was struggling with what I thought was discontentment but learned that really it was guilt, and then with the help of you found an easy new thought to help me.”

The reason that I share these is because I want you to see the effect that coaching has in our lives. And the effect that it could have in your life too.

As moms, it’s so easy to take care of everyone else’s needs and forget about our own. We think we don’t have the time to work on our stuff every week, so we push it off and hope that we get better eventually. We think that we don’t have the money to invest in coaching or therapy, because that money is needed for our families. We don’t see the impact that investing this time or money would have on not only us, but on our families.

So I just want to leave you with this question: What impact would this kind of change have on you, your husband, and your children?

You can keep doing what you’re doing, and continue to live the same life that you’re living.

Or you can try something that you’ve never done before, and begin to live a life that you’ve never had before.

Coming from the other side of that leap of faith, I can tell you that it’s so much better than fighting that same struggle.

When you’re ready to take that leap of faith, you know where to find me.

And until then, I’m just sending a lot of love to you.

And I Won’t Give Up

You guys.

Do you follow me on Instagram? If not, then you haven't been seeing my posts about postpartum depression.

All of the feelings that have been coming up as I post these? As I really go back and remember what it was like going through it? It has strengthened my reason for why I started this business in the first place. It has reminded me of my purpose.

As I have started this business and begun to let go of those patterns of doubt, fear, and worry - I'm not gonna lie. It's been more challenging than I thought. I have wondered if this is the right choice, I have wondered if it even matters. I have thought about how much easier it would actually be to just go back to my Candy Crush, chocolate eating days.

But as I have written specifically for those moms who are struggling with postpartum depression, those moms that are in the thick of it? It has reminded me why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself out there, why I'm going live even when I'm scared. Why I'm choosing to keep this on my plate when it might seem like I have enough on the go even without having a business.

I have dreams. Martin Luther King Jr worthy dreams. I have dreams where every single mom to be would know what to expect postpartum. Nothing can truly prepare you for your first experience of motherhood, and I think there is beauty in that too - growing, learning, experiencing all of the unknown. But what I dream of every mom knowing is what postpartum depression looks like. What postpartum anxiety looks like. How these thoughts are not them. I want every mom to see those thoughts for what they are, to know that they might show up, and to be prepared for them. To know what to do next. Who to reach out to.

Because too many moms are experiencing these things, and instead of sharing them we hide them. We shame ourselves. We think we are less than. We worry what others would think if they truly knew. We compare ourselves to others, sure that they are better moms than we are. We let this take over our lives. And it's time to stop.

When we face the depression, when we name it, the grip that it has on us loosens. We are able to see it for what it is. We are able to take the next step that we need to.

These posts on postpartum have also reminded me of how far I've come. You guys, I'm not kidding when I say that my life has changed. There was a day when I thought that the life I'm living now would never be mine. I thought it was impossible for me to be a happy mom. I truly believed that my kids would be better off without me. Think about that!

What if I had never started this work? What if I hadn't realized that my thoughts are optional, that there was hope, that I could do something about it? What would our lives be like right now? How much my kids would have missed out on, by not having me as their mom, as a healthy and loving mom? How much I would've missed out on. My heart aches to even think of this.

So yes, you will be hearing from me. And I hope you are sharing this with your friends. Not because I need more followers or more clients - I don't. What I need is for you to see your worth. I need you to see your value. I need you to see what you are missing out on by continuing to live how you are. I need you to see that you are capable of healing and that it's so much better than you can even imagine. And I need every single mom to hear this message.

Hear me on this. The life that feels impossible right now? It will be yours one day. But we will take it one step at a time.

How To Quit Smoking

Imagine waking up in the morning, taking a deep breath in all the way into your belly, and slowly letting it out again. No cough, no hitch in your chest.

Imagine going for a run, feeling the energy move through your body, your muscles begging you to go faster.

Imagine stepping outside with your long time friend – she lights up a smoke and that familiar smell wafts over you. You simply enjoy the smell and feel no desire to light up your own.

Imagine not having that guilt of being a smoker. Of having the confidence – I quit. That I don’t need to smoke in order to have a good time.

How much less stressed you will be when you’re not relying on something else so you can feel how you want to feel. You know it’s all inside you.

Seriously. I want you to imagine this. How would that feel? Do you believe it’s possible? How would that change your life?

I have a step by step process that I work with my clients on for quitting any bad habit, but I created this process for myself when I quit smoking.

1.       Decide you want to and why. What is your compelling reason for quitting? You need to be committed to this decision, and have a strong why behind it. Something to remind yourself of when those cravings hit.

2.       Identity: Who will you be without smoking? What will your life be like without it? Smoking is such a huge part of who you are, and when you quit smoking you need to create a new identity for yourself. Someone that you want to be.

3.       Brain work. This is the fun part. You get to learn all about why you are smoking and how to rewire your brain. The main concepts that I teach on are:

-          Buffering: A habit with a negative consequence that is used to avoid negative emotions.

-          Allowing discomfort: Our brain is wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. When you change a habit, you are going against all three of those, so being willing to feel discomfort.

-          Processing urges: Your brain and body are wired to respond to triggers and urges with the action. As you quit, you need to allow that urge without responding to it. Which is different than fighting, resisting, or giving in to it.

4.       24 Hour Plan: Creating a plan ahead of time takes out the room for discussion. You know how many and when, and there’s no argument.

I’m telling you, this works.

Are you ready to become this person? Ready to quit for real?

Shoot me an email and let’s get your first call scheduled.

Six weeks from now, you could be done smoking. Forever.

You’ve seriously got this.

I Am Not My Depression

When I say that I struggle with depression, I don’t want that to become my identity. I am not just a “depressed person” – there is so much more to me than the fact that I struggle with my mental health. It is a part of me, in the way that I am a mom of five kids; it is one area of my life, not all encompassing. I tell you this so that it may help you understand me a little more, so that you might know where I’m coming from. That you might be able to understand a part of the lens through which I view my world.

When the depression hits the hardest, and I feel hopeless. Dark. Bleak. It is so difficult to separate myself from my depression. We feel like one and the same – those dark thoughts are me and therefore what is the point? Then as I slowly free myself from the tight grip, I begin to separate the thoughts and emotions of depression from myself. I can pinpoint – That is me. That is how I feel. How I want to be. And that right there is not me – that is the depression talking.

With learning to separate comes a letting go of the shame. The shame of feeling inadequate. The shame of feeling like a bad mother. The shame of feeling like I am ruining my children. I am able to talk more openly about my experiences because the depression isn’t me.

I want to raise my children with love and compassion. I want to spend time with them on my lap, reading a book or simply sitting with nothing to do. There are times when I am so far inside of my own head, battling the depressive thoughts, that I’m not able to do this. When the depression takes all of my energy and there isn’t room for anything else besides my own suffering.

And that’s okay. I get to decide what I make that mean about me. I get to decide if struggling with depression means that my whole life is bad and will never be good; or I get to decide that sometimes I have depression and those days are what they are. The next day I will pick back up where I left off, still working towards being the kind of mom, wife, woman, friend that I want to be.

Those of you who have felt this, you know. You know the dark places that exist within us. But do you also know that we are more than our depression? That we are able to move through it, not just stay in that place?

I can’t truthfully say that I am glad for my experience of depression – it’s not easy to be grateful for the struggles in life. But what I can say is that there are things I am grateful for, because of my depression. Reaching these lows in motherhood has made me realize the importance of reaching out, of opening up about what we experience. It has taught me the importance of leaning on my husband, of sharing how I’m feeling. And friendships – we need those heart friends, who get us. Who will sit with us during our inner battle, but will also show us the way past it when we are ready to take that next step. It has taught me true compassion for others hardships. And of course it has shown me the beauty of not being trapped in an inner battle; those times when I feel like myself, how truly glorious they are.

When you are feeling at your worse, I want to remind you of these words:

You are more than your depression.

What Is It Like To Work With Me?

I love doing mini sessions.

My free 30-minute calls? They are so fun. It’s a chance for me to help as many people as possible, free of charge. To put out value into the world and to help someone in our short time together. They might choose to work with me; regardless of if they do or not, I love that they have taken one more step in getting better. How awesome it is to even find one shift in their thinking and for them to feel the effects of it in their life. I LOVE IT.

So, what do my free calls look like?

First of all, I get you to tell me all the goods. You tell me all of your thoughts about the issue in your life. We will find one or two of the most painful thoughts for you, and find a new thought for you to think that feels better.

Then I will get you to imagine your life without it. Do that now – imagine what your life would be like without this issue. How much lighter do you feel? Isn’t it amazing?

If I think that working with me would be a good fit for you, I will give you the details of how we can work together further. If one or both of us don’t feel like it’s the best step for you then that’s that. I don’t push myself on anyone, and it’s not a call to sell you on working with me. Instead, it’s a call to give you some leverage or a new perspective on the thing that you are struggling with. It’s a call to show you what coaching can do in your life.

It can be hard to imagine how much it changes you if you’ve never experienced it before.

I want to encourage you, yes you reading this, to come sign up for a free call with me and watch the ripple effect in your life.

When you choose to work with me for six weeks, magic happens. You are committing to yourself, choosing to take the steps to get better. Deciding that you are worth the effort, the time, the investment. It’s not a decision that we make lightly. It’s a commitment to who you are, and who you want to be.

Each call will have a similar layout as the mini session: we talk about what happened since last week and what you want to work on now. We work together to find out which thoughts are holding you back and what you need to do moving forward. By the end of our call, you have a clear direction of what to think and do.

Don’t underestimate the power of a focused coaching call. I’m telling you it’s magic.

Is Fear Holding You Back?

It can feel scary, overwhelming, to think of jumping on the phone with someone that you don’t know. Or of getting on the call with someone that you sort of know. To think of sharing with them the things that you are struggling with.

Are you letting these fears stop you from taking that first step? Did you know that the first step is the hardest? To admit that you are struggling and that you need help. It’s a matter of swallowing our pride. Of opening up and putting words to that darkness that is inside. It’s not an easy thing to do, but we can do hard things. The benefits of that single step far outweigh the discomfort of making it.

What else is holding you back?

Fear because you know me and it might be awkward? Fear because I am a stranger to you and it might be awkward?

Do you think that the thing you are struggling with is too big for a single phone call? Or do you think that it’s too trivial, that you should be over it by now?

Do you worry that if you make the free call then you will be obligated to buy from me? Or do you worry that you will want to work with me after one call, and the thought that scares you?

Is it the investment into your mental health? Do you think that it’s not worth it, that you don’t see a direct return on investment? Or does your spouse not see the value in this type of an investment?

Whatever fear that is holding you back from booking a call, know that this is simply your brain. Our brains are so sneaky. They want to keep us safe, to do what is known, and so they throw any excuse our way that they can. Our brain wants us to stay in the discomfort that we are feeling, not to try a new discomfort that is unknown. It thinks that the new situation’s discomfort might be even worse than where we are now, so it doesn’t want to risk it.

Just notice it. Notice what fears or worries or reasons that your brain is giving you to not take that step. Let those thoughts run their course. And then decide if you want to listen to your brain or not. Choose to stay where you are now, or choose a different path. But know that it is you that is making the decision. Whichever one you decide, know that it’s a conscious choice. Like your reasons for it, and have your own back as you move forward on that decision.

It’s completely in your hands.

Find me here if you are ready.

You’ve totally got this.