Resentment

What is resentment? According to Dr. Google, it is “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.”

How easy it is to hold onto resentment. The other person did us wrong, and we are justified in feeling upset. It is their fault.

What I want to offer you though, is that it’s always a sign we’re expecting someone else to fill one of our needs. Think back to the last time you were resentful to your husband. What was the situation? What did he do, or not do, that caused you to feel resentful?

Now I really want you to slow it down. Take a step back and really see the whole situation. What need were you expecting him to fill? Did he even know that you were expecting him to fill it?

Resentment is an emotion that came up a lot for me when I was struggling with depression. It was so much easier for me to resent my husband, to resent my kids, my life – to resent everything rather than recognize my own part in it. It was easier to place the blame on all of these things that I didn’t have control over. There was nothing I could do, so of course I was feeling this way.

The first step in addressing resentment is to become aware of the thoughts that are creating this emotion. To really see that it’s not [my husband working late and therefore I can’t make it to yoga] that’s causing me to feel resentful, but it’s my thoughts of [he should be home already. He doesn’t prioritize me getting out of the house] that is creating it. Once we take ownership over it, then we can choose whether to continue feeling resentful or not.

Does resentment serve your marriage? Does it strengthen the love between you and your husband? Does it create more love in your home? Or does it do the same in yours as it does in mine – decrease the love. Increase the disconnect.

Really see that the resentment you feel is created by you. Process it, feel it. Recognize that your husband or your kids don’t need to change – this is where the work comes in. It’s easier to think that they should change rather than that we should change. But owning that you only have control over you and how you show up to the situation? It’s the best news ever.

They get to just be them, and we just get to love them.

Isn’t it fun?