Another Chapter Begins

Today is the big day – a whole year older. Twenty-seven years since the day that I was born.

It’s so interesting to look back at these specific days in my life. The day that I started a new chapter in my book.

The year that I turned eighteen, I was in Italy. I had traveled with a handful of other Americans and Canadians from Finland to tour Italy for a week. A fun week spent adventuring and exploring with friends. Seeing new sites, new people, stepping out of my comfort zone. Looking back, it was such a carefree time. It’s easy to forget the things that I worried about then, or to minimize their importance.

And then the year that I turned nineteen. Nic was spending time at my home - how amazing it was to be together after several months apart! We both knew at this point that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and on December 1st, he asked me to marry him. We felt so grown up, that we knew what we wanted in life; we were so sure of our future together. Looking back on this too, it feels like such a carefree time! We were young, in love, and completely on cloud nine. Trusting that God was guiding us, with little fear of the years to come. Just being in the now.

These memories of past birthdays are mostly rose colored. I forget what the day to day life was and only the highlights remain in my memory. Those years I also had a rose-colored vision of the years to come – the exploring of Finland and parts of Europe, of finding myself, of how exciting to be getting married, to hopefully have children of my own.

Where are my rose-colored glasses now? The times that I struggle with depression, the future seems so dim. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, yet at the same time I have no hope for what the years ahead of me will bring. I don’t need my rose-colored glasses, but what I do need is joy. I want joy to color the days of this next chapter in my life.

What does this year hold for me? Where will I be at in life on the day that I turn twenty-eight? I want to be able to look back on this year and see growth. I want to see love; so much love. I want to see acceptance and enjoyment. I want to see that I gave it my all and that when I failed, I had compassion for myself. Another chapter in my book begins.