Happy In My Everyday

I look at pictures from Ireland, a small town in Australia, the coast of California, islands in Southeast Asia. I dream of traveling here and everywhere, finding myself along the way. I dream of being lost in moments, of big revelations about myself and the world around me. Everything would be mystical, magical, wondrous.

It’s so easy to dream about this and wish that I had taken those years to travel and find myself before getting married, before becoming a mom. I thought that I knew what marriage and motherhood was all about. I knew that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life: with my husband and twenty children by my side.

I’m now in the thick of it, having been pregnant or breastfeeding for the majority of seven and a half years. The fairytale-ness of being a mom has since lost its luster. It’s easy to feel tired of the monotony of it all; the diaper changes, laundry, house chores, kids that try my patience. It’s easy to feel sorry for myself, that I don’t have enough time for just me.

I believe that my life doesn’t have to be this way thought. I believe that it can be more than me being ready for bed time at five pm everyday. It won’t be all mystical and magical every step of the way, but I need to find those moments that are and savor them.

Instead of being frustrated about attempting to find myself in between wiping this boogie nose and that poopy bum, I need to revel in the fact that I am finding myself. Motherhood makes me be more, it doesn’t let me sit on the couch and do nothing all day. My kids need me, and I need me, to get back up and try again. To make my reality my new dream.

It’s okay to dream about other options, to be open to new possibilities. But I’m not going to let those stop me from seeing the magic of my everyday.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.               -Helen Keller