Dear Nic

Dear Nic,

I miss you. This last month feels like the busiest one at the end of an already busy year. If you’re not gone, then I am. We live in the same house but we feel more like room mates than anything. I see you everyday but there hasn’t been much time for connecting or catching up. I feel like you are so far away, on a different planet than me. I can’t reach you there. Our minds are running on different wave lengths and I can’t read the frequency of yours.

We went for a date (finally!) on Sunday, and yes it was good. Just the two of us, eating, talking and driving. Nothing special, but special because we were together – actually together, not just occupying the same space. I cried – it’s not a true date if I don’t cry at least once, right? We laughed and we tried to figure out how to get through this busy stage and still keep our love strong. Even though we talked about things we could do, I still feel like we’re not on the same page. I still think you don’t get it. I pushed those feelings of disconnect away and reassured myself that it will be better this week.

But it hasn’t. We’ve gone back to the same story as before our date – busy, disconnected, different worlds. And I miss you. My heart aches for the love I know we have but is hidden right now. It aches at the thoughts and words I have hurled at you in my hurt. This isn’t how I want to be. This isn’t true to me and you.

So I’m going to try again, even though last night I declared that I was done trying. I want forgiveness and a fresh blank slate to start again. I know this love is the best thing I have in my life and it’s worth the effort.

I’m done with missing you.

Love,

Me