My Three Year Old Boy

I look at Gus as he plays with his very special birthday dirt bike. He is such a bull in a china shop – loud noises, brash movements, and completely unpredictable. When the mood strikes, he doesn’t stop to question it he just follows through.

He is so packed full of energy that I can just about see it exploding from him. He’s here – then he’s over there. He gives Rosie a BIG old hug and then runs in circles around her. He’s driving his little mini dirt bike on me and the next minute he’s driving Guin’s doll stroller like a dirt bike, crashing into the furniture and laughing like a maniac. He is so stubborn; he has his own idea about how his day should go. He thinks he knows better than mommy or daddy on many issues and he isn’t afraid to argue. But he is also the one that wants everyone happy and laughing at his tricks. He is quick to give a hug sorry and move on to the next fun project.

To say the least, he drives me crazy a dozen times a day. But he is here with me. My heart aches for the mom that doesn’t get to wrap her arms around her three-year-old terror anymore. It breaks at the thought of having to give my boy away; even if he gets to be in the most perfect of places – heaven.

It’s NOT FAIR! I want to scream. Why should any mom have to say goodbye to their most mischievous of kids? Nobody should have to try to heal from this kind of a wound, to adjust to a new normal daily life without their three-year-old boy wreaking havoc. It goes beyond my understanding and comprehending, the why’s and the how’s. And that’s where trust comes in, trusting that God’s plan is perfect even when the pain feels too great to bear. Trusting that God knew best when to take that little angel boy from this world, even if the timing doesn’t make sense in our minds.

As for my little boy, I give him a few extra squeezes a day. I remember to sit down on the couch with him and just hold him a little extra longer. He still presses my buttons and pushes his limits, and I still get upset when he’s not listening. But the love and forgiveness come a little faster these days.